David T. Stevens, co-founder and head of global events and wellness at Club Ichi, developed a reputation for delivering hard truths…until he got one of his own. Not only did clients not particularly like what Stevens had to say when he offered fair but candid feedback, but more importantly, they didn’t like how he was saying it.
“All I cared about was what was in the pipeline and if the events were going well or not,” he says of his experience at a startup company five years ago. “It’s that pesky old emotional intelligence, right?”
At the time, Stevens admits to working at a breakneck speed. He was traveling regularly and tried to get as much work done on a plane as possible. While admirable, there was a catch: The trouble was Stevens wrote to-the-point messages to clients in case the airline’s Wi-Fi kicked out, as regularly occurred at the turn of the decade. That meant he answered long, thought-out emails with three-word responses.
Word got back to his supervisors, who used an annual review to encourage a softer, gentler approach.
Stevens stands by the analysis he would offer, but acknowledges that he could have handled the delivery better. “Getting that feedback hurt tremendously, but it made perfect sense,” he says.
The COVID lockdown forcibly cut down on Stevens’ travels and allowed for what he calls a “hard reset.”
Always someone who took pride in the physical side of wellness, Stevens learned to embrace the mental aspect as well. That meant slowing down, including saving emails as drafts before sending a few hours later.
While Stevens may not be a complete reclamation project yet, he’s made vast strides.
“I went through an internal rebrand,” says Stevens, who is one of the event industry’s most sought-after wellness speakers.
Taking the Good and the Bad
Few individuals escape negative feedback during their career. Circumstances vary, and response to challenges can define a person at his or her company.
While Stevens was fortunate to receive constructive criticism and even a selection of self-help books to choose from, others are not so lucky.
Deborah Kuns, global sourcing manager at Origin Event Planning, says that a team member’s career stage—whether they are the supervisor or the employee—plays a role in the situation.
Younger workers are likely to accept supervisors’ admonishment without many questions and older employees may just try to ride out a bad situation until retirement. The mid-career worker has it toughest, particularly as individuals in their thirties or forties are likely to be juggling family commitments with work.
Likewise, a younger manager may be eager to earn a strong reputation with strong commentary. Meanwhile, an older supervisor has the advantage of time and experience to formulate communication strategies.
It takes work on both sides to make the employer-employee relationship work, Kuns says.
Kuns recalls one experience with a leader who shared critiques about team members publicly during staff meetings. “It was like a public flogging,” she says.
On another occasion, ‘twas the Friday before Christmas and Kuns was struggling to get her manager to review a project for final sign off. Finally, the work got approved but not without the supervisor tossing out a nasty comment regarding Kuns.
“There was never any positive feedback after that,” she says.
Kuns absorbed many of the emotional blows to follow, but found vindication when the rest of the team reported the manager to HR based on their own experiences.
Kuns advises supervisors to balance commentary or risk creating toxic environments.
“I wish there was more positive feedback given out or recorded,” she says, noting the importance of records during a leadership transition.
Ultimately, navigating feedback—whether giving or receiving it—is an inevitable part of professional life. While not every experience will be fair or constructive, how individuals respond can shape their growth and reputation.
For leaders, the challenge lies in fostering environments where feedback is not feared, but trusted. And for employees, resilience and self-awareness remain critical tools. In the end, striking the right balance between accountability and encouragement is what sets thriving teams apart.
